Not Doing So Great At This

I have been sporatically drinking. I don't drink nearly as much because I have not been keeping the kind of wine that I like in the house. Last night, we elected to not go to a Super Bowl party that we were invited to and so we thought we'd stay home, watch the game together (me and the hubby) and then cook some fun food. He woke up with some small stomach thing that keep him slightly nauseated all day long. We decided that since the weather was nice, maybe a walk would do him some good so we took a "destination walk" down to one of our favorite restaurants and thought, instead of cooking for the game, we would just eat something early (it was 4 p.m.) and then we wouldn't have to have another meal and woulnd't have to cook. I was excited because I thought I would get myself a glass of the "nector to the God's", pinot grigio, but the dang restaurant was closed because no one was there since it was Super Bowl Sunday. Instead, we opted to have pizza at an alcohol free restaurant. I was Jonesing the whole night for some wine. I even broke down and drank a glass of some nasty Riesling that someone had left at my house.

Tonight, has been a no drinking night. The hubs,still dealing with the stomach thing, doesn't want to drink. I must say that I do much better when he is on the wagon. Of course, he is not overweight and shouldn't have to stop drinking just because I need to do it.

I'm really torn right now. If I could just drink on the weekends or when we have a special occasion, I would probably be okay but I just don't seem to have the self control. I was doing really good and felt strong but (and maybe this is just my way of justifying my drinking) when Mark died, I just thought, what the heck am I doing this for? I mean, I love drinking wine and I can suffer this whole year not doing something I love and then BLAM you can be dead in a second. I don't know...am I just reaching for a reason to drink?

Hoping to stay on the wagon this week.