Today Was A Surprise!

We went to the Gasparilla parade today and to my surprise I didn't have any wine or beers. I decided not to bring a bottle of wine, hoping this would keep me from drinking and to my surprise, it worked. I stayed sober all day and it was nice that I could be the designated driver for my husband who partied like a rock star. He deserved it since he cooked ribs, chicken, and sausage for 40 people. "Meat Man", as he is now known in our world, did not fail us. As usual, the meat was superb.

With regard to the drinking, typically, we get to our friends house very early, 7 a.m. and he starts the grills. Our friend Fred, usually makes Bloody Mary's that are legendary. I would usually have at least one of those and then by noon I would have moved on to wine or beer. The hubs doesn't usually start drinking until after noon since he is doing the cooking. By the time he starts drinking, I stop drinking so when we leave the party at around 7 p.m., I am sober enough to drive. Today, I never started and I must say that the Gasparilla is much more fun when you've got a couple of cocktails in ya'. It is definitely a drinking persons event. I didn't even do one "Argh!! Matie!!"....what's up with that?

I'll tell you, I am sure that parties are more fun when I am drinking and I think the boredom will be the death of this experiment more than anything else. But, for now, I'm back on the wagon.

Argh!!!!

WHY?

I have been drinking, less of course than usual, but none the less, I still failed in my goal to not drink for 2010. Something happened in my head on the night Mark died and I just thought, WHY and I depriving myself of something that I enjoy so much when at any moment your life can be snuffed out in a flash.

But, maybe I am just using it as a excuse to drink. I definitely want to get back at it and hop on the wagon. However, I am thinking that maybe this was too aggressive of a goal and that the real goal should be able to keep it in moderation and that means not drinking every night.

I am very confused at the moment.

Cheers!

I Did Not Drink Last Night

Yesterday was a day of all kinds of reflection and trying to wrap my head around the loss of such a close friend. I really wanted to have a glass of wine last night but I didn't do it. I know Mark would have been proud of us for not drinking since he was a reformed alcoholic. Mark had experienced drug and alcohol abuse and decided that this was not the way he was going to live his life so he went to AA, got clean and spent most of his adult life in a clean and sober state. I am sure his children never saw him drinking.

Yesterday morning I could hardly function but as the day progressed and I got up, got dressed and went for a long walk, I had an opportunity to think about how he lived his life, for his family, his friends, and his community. I think Mark's life has taught us that you should really LIVE the way he did because he left his children with many memories of trips and concerts and camping trips. He worked hard but he worked to live, he didn't live to work. He was also a sensitive man that could talk about his feelings with men and women and wasn't ashamed to share when he was happy or sad or hurt.

Today, we saw our mental health therapist and shared with him that our grief, in the past few months has been almost crippling for my husband in particular. With the loss of his father, his best friend (from childhood) battling stage IV lung cancer, our cousin battling ovarian cancer, Sherry battling cancer for the third time, business being less than optimal, and now Mark dying, he has reached an emotional low in his life that he has never before experienced. Our therapist said that this is normal and actually a good sign that he has feelings and that he has loved and been loved by all of these people. It may never stop hurting, when the memories come flooding back, but the coping will get easier.

I am hoping to get through this night without drinking again. I think it's back to...one day at a time.

I Might Not Succeed

I had another glass of wine last night. Just the one but I am so heart broken about my friend Marks sudden death that I am reaching for something to numb the pain and make my head stop thinking, thinking, thinking about this huge sucking loss that Dennis and I are feeling. He was part of a group of friends that was very important to us. We had a supper club, of just six people, three couples, that met about once a month at some restaurant in the Tampa Bay Area for dinner for the past 10 years. Mark was very proud of our little group and committed to making it happen regularly. He was actually a little arrogant about it (in a funny way)and decided that we should vote that no one else should ever be included. A few times we tried to include other couples but Mark pointed out that six was a perfect number because anymore than six people and most likely, the table configuration would not be as good and and the conversation could not flow well. Also, he pointed out that the three couples involved were all very committed to regular dinners but other people weren't so we made it official from very early on that no one else would be included. Everytime we met was like a family dinner and his absence is going to be enormous. I am going to include a picture of Mark and his wife, Sherry, at our first "date", almost 10 years ago. This was the first time we all went out together.

It Didn't Take Away the Pain

I had two glasses of wine last night. I did it with purpose with the hopes that it would take away the pain of finding out our dear friend, Mark, was most likely going to die in the next few hours from a construction accident. I am praying that it doesn't happen but it looks like it will since his organs are shutting down and he is on a ventilator.

The wine did not take away the pain and therefore I am back on the wagon this morning.

If I could drink wine and feel better, I would throw this experiment to the wind but it doesn't make one bit of difference.

I Have To Stop Weighing

We went out to dinner last night and I ordered a very reasonable meal with grilled chicken on a bed of rice with steamed vegetables. There was a cream sauce on the chicken but I only ate 1/2 of the meal and 1 gained 2 pounds from yesterday morning to this morning. NO drinking still and reasonable eating, however, I haven't exercised in a couple of days.

My observation about this whole not drinking thing, I am 21 days into the process and the weight is almost the same as when I started. I wonder how much of a role the wine really has played in my weight gain to begin with.

I don't plan on starting drinking because I haven't lost anything remarkable but it is going to be difficult to keep up the pace if I get six months into this and I am the same weight. If you just do the math on it, you would think that I would have lost more but, who knows?

Cheers!

Still As Big As A Barn!

I am sure that I am losing ounces but it really gets to me that I can gain 20 pounds in the five months since my father in law died but I am only losing weight at a snails pace. My body is a mystery. It must be so efficient that it can function on nearly zero calories and when I add too many by drinking or not exerciing one day or, heaven forbid, adding a carb to my dinner, that calorie is going to, for sure turn into fat. I really shouldn't complain. When I was sick over the summer, I was losing weight without trying and I think I may have liked that less, if you can believe it. I would like to have a balance but losing weight from being sick is no fun either and I praise God for my good health and that I feel good and back to myself.

Enough complaining about the weight. I am blessed to be able to get up every morning, exercise and feel good all day long, pain free, disease free, which is more than I can say for some of my closest friends. My bad for complaining. I know I could just erase this but then you wouldn't really know what was going on in my crazy head.

By the way, if I were drinking right now, all of this stuff might not even be floating around in my head....hmmm???? Maybe, I still like drinking better than not drinking.

Cheers!

So Uneventful I May Stop Blogging

It is getting so easy that I may stop blogging until I have something to actually say of significance. Didn't drink again tonight and it is not hard at all. I'm loving it, as a matter of fact. I may just start writing if something changes because as of right now, I am sailing right through with no worries.

Cheers!

Boring

I think it, if anyone is reading this, you may soon become very bored with my entries. I have not, as of yet, had a drink and it is getting easier. (Of course, Mr. Perfect is also not drinking, which is nice). I say that, hesitantly, because this week has been uneventful. Nothing bad has happened and nothing exceptionally good has happened. I will say that business has picked up, which lifts the spirits, but we were also notified by two of our previous customers that we were going to be sued (Chinese drywall). We knew the latter was coming so we are prepared, but that is what upset me last week. Let's see if I start shaking for a glass of wine again when the process server shows up at the door. If I can get through the lawsuit without drinking, I will have done something. Nothing on tap for tonight but grilled chicken, dinner with the mother in law, and American Idol. I can't wait til this first part is over. I hate all of the silly auditions for people who know that can't really sing. But for now, I will just keep my "pants off the ground" and stay sober.

Cheers!

It's DEFINATELY Getting Easier!

Tonight, Mr. Perfect, my friend and I went to one of our favorite watering holes where we would have normally had (light) beers and wings. I ordered tea with my food and he ordered a soda. Our friend had a beer and she was fine with the fact that we weren't drinking. She did come later in our meal and so she only had one beer since we were nearly ready to leave by the time she arrived, but it didn't seem to bother her or us that she was drinking alone. Frankly, for the first time, I didn't even think about it or wish I could have a glass of wine. I didn't even miss it. You know, they (whoever the infamous "they" is) say that if you do anything for three weeks it becomes a habit. I'm now on day 19 of this little experiment and I think that just may be true.

The thing that might make me start back to drinking is the boredom. It is a missing piece of my socialization. It was just fun and I'm bored without it and I seem to be able to stay up later than I used to. Here it is 11:39 p.m. and I have talked to tons of people on facebook, taken a bath, read three magazines and now I am publishing another post. The hubs has been sleeping for hours and I am still wide awake. Thank goodness for Tylenol P.M., otherwise I might be forced to clean my office or something equally as boring. I shudder to think!

Cheers!

I'm More Fun When I Drink

Tonight we went to a family members home for dinner. I typically would have joined in with one our host for a glass, or 4, of wine. I didn't and I am pretty sure that no one else thinks this, but I feel like I am more fun when I am drinking. At least, I have more fun when I drink. There, I said it and it was hard to admit but I really think that alcohol was affecting me more than I thought. It's not that I am not having a good time at these functions but I just know that I laughed more and was a little less serious when I was drinking. I was just...well....more fun. If I can stick this no drinking thing out for a whole year, I hope I still have friends when it is all over with. Maybe, no one will even like me. They may think that I am boring. The truth is, maybe I wasn't more fun at all. Maybe, it was just MY perception of me. Isn't it interesting? I just don't even know.

I do know that I am a control freak and I love the control that not drinking is giving me. I can drive whenever I want, I don't fall asleep at 8:00 p.m. blaming it on getting up early when possibly it was because I started drinking wine at 5:00 p.m, and I don't have to worry that something I said was wrong because I had consumed one too many glasses of wine. If I offend someone, it's just me, not the alcohol.

Anyway, these are some things I have noticed.
Cheers!

I Think It May Be Getting Easier!

It seems to me that it might be getting, generally, easier, than it was at the beginning to not drink. I don't seem to be having that 4:00 p.m. thing going on but I am missing the cocktails with the hubs on the weekends while we are watching movies and cooking (our social times), particularly if he drinks. If he doesn't drink, I am pretty much okay. I still think about it everyday. After all, it has only been, 16 days, but who is counting?

The weight thing is really bugging me. This morning my weight was actually up a pound. That is totally frustrating. I gained 20 pounds since my father-in-law died August 14th and it will probably take me a whole YEAR to lose that weight. If I hadn't stopped the drinking, I would have probably exploded before 2011.

Cheers!

Ready For A New Day!

Today, I feel much better physcially. I'll probably be thinking about wine again tonight, or maybe even today since it is Saturday and we are going to be shopping in a little trendy section of town and they have some nice lunch spots. Typically, we might have stopped at one of those places and I might have had a glass of wine with lunch. I don't normally drink during the day but once in a while, on a special occasion, or in a special restaurant, I will.

Last night, as I suspected, was very easy to not drink (eating was even a challenge)and I am 1/2 through month 1 of my "experiment". My weight is about 5 pounds less that was when I started and I am very happy, so far, that I have decided to do this. Since, I plan on drinking on New Years Eve (and, oh maybe my 10th Wedding Anniversary to Mr. Perfect, November 3rd), I only have 349 more nights to do this, 348 if I count the anniversay. That really seems like a lot of days and I am nervous about whether I can make it or not. I need to get to a place where I am not worried about how many days I have. I think if I am counting them, then I haven't licked this, yet.

More tomorrow!

A Terrible Night!

We have been having some business problems that escalated yesterday. I was closer than I had been to drinking but fortunately I got distracted with a lost cell phone (which I found) and then a lengthy phone application for health insurance. By the time I got done with all of that, I started feeling sick to my stomach and within a couple of hours, I was in the throws of a full blown stomach virus. I am so glad that I didn't drink because I would have surely blamed my upset stomach on that. Today, I am just laying around, trying to regain my strength. The thought of drinking tonight is out of the question.

My Mouth Actually Watered!!!

We went to a new restaurant for dinner and they had this cute little bar and as I was walking up to the door I noticed a sign that said "$3 house wine". So I'm sitting and waiting for the waitress to take my order and, I swear, my mouth actually started salivating for a glass of wine. Nuts, I know! So, I'm looking around the restaurant at other people with ice tea and cokes in front of them and I'm wondering if their mouth watered when they read that sign or is it just me? I'm thinking that I want to get to a place where I go into a restaurant and I don't start feeling like I have to have a glass of wine because I'm out for dinner. What's wrong with tea, anyway? I want to be at a place where I don't even THINK about drinking. But, I didn't drink and I did order tea. The hubby didn't drink either and our bill was only $35 which is significantly less than we usually spend in a restaurant because of our drinking.

Another thing I have noticed is our Costco trips are costing us lots less money. I was buying about 6 bottles of wine every 10 days. Do the math on that...it adds up.

I'm not losing any weight but with the money I'm saving, I will probably be able to afford a private trainer...LOL!!!! NOT!! It's a good thing I did quit drinking with this economy, I would have had to switch to Boone's Farm pretty soon.

Cheers!

He's Back on The Wagon

I'm sure I'll be posting this many times this year but my man jumped back on the wagon with me last night. It was good for me but it was a close call. He was discussing pouring himself a cocktail but then American Idol started and he fell asleep in the chair and the cocktail idea fell by the wayside along with his sleep. After not drinking last night, tonight will probably be easier for him to not drink again. That is how it usually works for him.

I talked to him about our communication differences when we are not both drinking and he noticed them, as well. We are very close and he didn't like that we were not in synce so that is something that we will be working on this year. I know that he is going to be drinking some but not as much as before and I am going to have to be patient during those times. It's not as if he is drunk. It's just that there are some subtle differences in his perceptions of events, people, and things that I have to chalk up to the cocktails and ignore it.

We had a good night last night. Chinese food with my mother-in-law and then we went to her house to watch American Idol. She and my father-in-law did that religously when he was alive and we didn't want her to be alone when the season started. We will probably watch it with her a lot this year. She is doing much better and that is good for both my husband and I, which takes away one more reason to drink.

I told another one of my friends about my experiment and she was not as supportive. I was told that it was too agressive and I that should set smaller goals that were more achievable. I couldn't really argue with her because I have never tried this before and I don't know if it is achievable or not. But, I believe I'm more like the hubs....once I get started, it's a habit and I'm doing it every night. If I break the habit, I'm okay...I think...we'll see.

Cheers for today!!!

Speaking Different Languages

The hubs has decided to drink again, I think. Maybe, he will stop again but I am not sure. Initially, I thought he was just doing the weekend thing but he had a couple of drinks last night and I must say, while it didn't make me want to drink, it does seem to change the way we communicate. I have discovered that we communicate the same when we are sober together and when we are drinking together but when he is drinking and I am not, it is painfully obvious to me that alcohol affects a persons communication style. I haven't really talked to him about it but I really hope that he stops drinking with me or that I can get used to this because I am not enjoying the differences that I am feeling.

My weight hasn't changed very much since I started this little experiment. I do feel less bloated but I am 12 days into it and I am only a couple of pounds down. That is a bummer but I am not discouraged. I think God is giving me the strength that I prayed for to get control of the drinking and my weight.

I am feeling generally grumpy. My daughter told me the other day that she thought that I could be "mean and negative". I thought I was, overall, a positive person but that comment has been stuck in my crawl ever since and I am thinking maybe she is right. I am frustrated with the people that I love the most, at the moment, and I don't know why. I think it is because I have no control of anything in my life and the things I do have control over (ie. cleaning my closet, organizing my desk, exercising, etc.), I really don't want to do. When I felt this way before, I would plan a little "mini-vacation" for myself by walking with a friend to a pub and have wings and beers. But now, I can't even do that unless I want to break this vow I made to myself to not drink. Plus, it is has been ridiculous cold lately. I am thinking I just need to go back to bed and stop writing. Tomorrow will be better.

Cheers!

How Much Is Just Right?

Of course, my friends were great about the not drinking thing. They did notice, right away, however, and they were supportive and didn't seem uncomfortable with my choice to not drink. Two couples came over and besides me, one of the husbands, that joined us, didn't drink either. He is a frequent visitor and never drinks.

I REALLY wanted a glass of wine when my girlfriend poured her first glass of cold white wine in one of my glasses that I would have typically used. I don't think that our visit was any different because I didn't drink but I have to say that I TOTALLY missed not drinking. I wasn't really tempted to pour myself a glass because I am still in the frame of mind that it isn't an option for me, for this one year, but I would have enjoyed a glass of wine in a big way.

Also, the two couples that came over, know each other, but on a "big party" basis. They don't know the details of each others lives so there was a lot of questions between the two women about children, past relationships, ya ta, ya ta, ya ta, that I already know about them and they know about me (I guess) and so, at times, I didn't join in the conversation as much as I might have had I been a little loser with a couple of glasses of wine in me. Maybe, that's good, maybe bad. Who knows? Maybe they don't even know why I only had one child, maybe they do. But I did already know these things about both of them so I didn't feel the need to engage in that conversation. I wonder if they know why I didn't have more? Funny, how alcohol seems to losen the tongue to the just right place after a little bit and to the completely wrong place after too much.

Anyway, to summarize, I didn't drink again and it still was a very fun night. We played some Wii with our friends and everyone stayed sober enough to drive. Yeah!

The hubs drank some and then forgot that he didn't return a one day rental back to Blockbuster. I told him that I would do it in the 20 something degree weather about 8:30 last night. He wanted to do it but my argument was that the worst that could happen to me was a traffic citation, if I had an accident. He, on the other hand, could get a DUI. He agreed that my plan was best and I think he might like this new plan for 2010. He has a DD, at his disposal, for at least a year.

Cheers!

Emotional Response I Didn't Expect

When I started this little experiment, I didn't ask my husband to do it with me, however, the day I started, he joined in freely and I was glad that he did, for HIM. I didn't realize until last night how much I NEEDED him to not drink to help me or how much him drinking was an influence on whether I was going to possibly be successful in this effort. Last night, he decided that he wanted a cocktail, which is not unreasonable, since he hasn't had a drink for 9 days. I instantly felt weak and wanted to drink with him (but I didn't). I was very surprised by my gut reaction. After all, this isn't his project, this is mine. I talked to him about it and he contained his drinking to one and said that he actually didn't enjoy it but I know I shouldn't have even mentioned it to him. He is very loving and supportive of all of my positive goals in life and he would sacrifice his own desires to help me and I think if I am going to be successful at this, he should be able to have a drink now and then without my interference. I did apologize for putting him in that position but, being the great guy he his, he insisted that drinking is bad for him, as well, and he shouldn't really be drinking, either.

Today may be a challenge. Some of our big time drinking buddies are suppossed to be joining us for an early dinner. They have a long way to drive and it is very, very cold so, who really knows if they will come (I hope they do because I have one huge greek salad and an enormous amount of spanish bean soup already made), but if they do, it will be interesting to see how I feel not being able to have some wine with them. It seems like the friends I have told about this, so far, are unphased and would be okay drinking without me but I am thinking that is because they think I am getting too fat and need to lose some weight and also because they think this is short lived and by the next time they see me, I will be drinking again as my history would indicate this to be my pattern.

Now, maybe you can see what I mean about my life being one party after the other. I am always doing something that could potentially involve alcohol. And, oh by the way, I didn't tell you about the TWO times this week I declined offers by different girlfriends to go out for cocktails.

Anyway, if anyone is reading this, anywhere in the U.S. (which I doubt), I can pretty much safely say to you today...STAY WARM. It is cold across the entire country, isn't it?

It Really Does Seem To Be A Choice

You know, I have reached for a glass of wine, in the past (gotcha didn't I), when I had situations in my life that made me upset and this week I have had several, yesterday being no exception. But, the thing is, I had decided that I wasn't going to drink, for JUST ONE YEAR, so it seems like, in my head, the option isn't really there right now to take that road to calm the nerves. Actually, in retrospect, I didn't need the glass of wine to calm the nerves because the little problem that I had yesterday wasn't all that terrible, I worked it out without cocktails and I am glad that I did it with a clear head.

I just wanted to say one thing to anyone who may ever read this. One of the reasons that I felt I could do this was my dear friend Jerome. He stopped smoking and drinking, cold turkey, the day he found out had lung cancer. If you had asked him to stop those things before his diagnosis, he would have given you lots of reasons why it was too difficult or not necessary. If he can do it, I can do it and I don't want to wait until I have a stroke from high blood pressure or high cholesterol.

Many prayers for Jerome in his difficult journey recovering from lung cancer. We love you.

A New Challenge

Last night was just a "wisp" of a challenge. We decided to go to a new restaurant for a light dinner. It is close by so that I could walk and the hubs met me there and then drove me home after we ate. It was around happy hour and they have a quaint little bar, just as you enter the restaurant, and I got there before he arrived. Typically, I would have enjoyed a glass of wine, while waiting for him, and then he would have joined me for a drink before dinner. Those are the moments that I am going to miss this year. I love talking to him and it seems to me that when we get away from the house/office it feels more like a date. Our home is beautiful but our office does tend to trickle into our living area and so a little escape from that can be refreshing.

Another discovery I have made from this non-drinking deal is that I am much more aware of my finances. Go figure? Maybe that would have happened anyway but when we went out to dinner last night, I was painfully aware of how much the grouper dinner cost as opposed to the ahi tuna appetizer. So, I opted for tuna instead of grouper. What's that all about? Before, after having a glass of wine, which would have cost me as much as a whole bottle from the grocery store, I would have ordered the grouper and not thought a thing about it. Now, I understand why they take your drink order first. It's a conspiracy to get us to spend more money. MAN, maybe I am having withdrawal symptoms....I'm getting paranoid and losing my mind!!! Just kidding.

I told another person about my little experiment and my blog. It seems like I am not the only one with the same feeling that a break from daily drinking would be a good idea. It is amazing how so many of us "social drinkers" share the same reasons for drinking. I'm thinking it is not so much the liquor but the activity at the end of our day. The glass with the nice drink, while cooking dinner. For most of my friends, we are self employed and have no one to blow the whistle, or punch the clock or tell us that it is time to stop working. This is our way of telling ourselves that it's okay to relax and not be the boss, or the general, or whatever it is that keeps us crazy busy all day long.

Good luck to my friend who said she'd like to join me in this effort. I hope it works out just like it is working for me and my beautiful man.

Cheers!!!!

Unexpected Changes Are A Little Ratteling

My "little" dinner party turned out even smaller than I expected but that was really fine. I had some people, the guest of honor most importantly, cancel at the last minute. My parents were also going to come but my father works part time, as his retirement job, for a golf course, which he usually loves, but 20 degree
Florida mornings at 4 A.M., getting carts ready for golfers...that takes a toll on anyone and, I am sure, more so if you are in your late 70's. They just weren't up for getting back out in it to face the traffic and weather for chicken. They don't even know, yet, that the other guests cancelled, as well.

No problem, though, because my daughter came over during the day to help me "de-Christmas" my house in order to prepare for the birthday celebration. She was great and we had lots of time to talk and catch up. Then, since she was planning on having dinner with us anyway, we cooked a fun Mexican meal and just the three of us had a lovely dinner. I'm glad that I didn't bake a birthday cake (ha, like I have ever done that) and decorate, as I usually would have done. Something told me that things were not going to go as I had planned. Fortunately, it was to be a cooking party and the boyfriend of the birthday girl was going to cook so, except for copious amounts of lemons and eggs left unused in my refrigerator, I'm good to go. I told him that I would buy the ingrediants if he wanted to cook this special meal. One of the ingrediants was white wine. I knew when I bought it that he wouldn't use it all and so if I had some left over on hand that I liked, I might feel bad throwing it out, so I bought something I don't really like to drink. Now, I just have a crappy, unopened bottle of wine. I will serve it to someone who won't notice the difference ;). Since no one is reading this, I have no worries that anyone will be concerned that it is them.

My daughter had a couple of drinks but it didn't bother me or my husband. We are feeling strong about our committment to this effort, thus far. Again, I start anxting around happy hour, especially like yesterday when my dinner party was falling apart but I refocused by cooking a new recipe and my desire to have a glass of wine just went away.

Until tomorrow. Cheers.

No "DT's" Yet

I wondered, silently to myself, if I would have any physical withdrawals from not having any alcohol, after drinking every night for a long time. Actually, I occasionally have been stoppping for a few weeks at a time, here and there, but this past few months, we have been drinking pretty regularly every evening. No physical symptoms, so I guess, I am officially not an alcohol. I do, however, around 4 p.m., start pining a little bit for happy hour to begin and then I snap back and remember my goal.

Last night was almost identical to the night before. My mother-in-law came over for dinner and the meal was even the same since we ate left overs. The difference was that I didn't walk. The weather here is at a record low and it is just too darn cold to walk at that hour.

Two very nice surprises have come from this so far. The first one is that my husband has stop drinking with me. I didn't expect that and it is helpful for me and I know he is pleased with himself for this accomplishment. The second thing I did expect but I am still happy about it, I have lost four pounds. I know that part of it is holiday weight coming off after getting back to regular eating but I'll bet that the wine being gone is somewhat of a contributor to the loss.

Tonight will be another challenge. We are having another dinner party. Did I mention that my life was a "series of parties"? I wasn't kidding. A birthday party for a loved one and there will be some of my fellow drinkers in attendance. They are, however, all aware of my goal and all of them struggle with weight issues, like I do so I don't think there will be any uncomfortable moments if I don't drink on this occasion.

I'll report back tomorrow....for no one to read. I'm thinking this is my own personal journal for me but that is okay as it seems to be working, or is it just God giving me the strength that I have prayed for? Whichever, I'm happy.

Not As Easy Last Night

I was getting concerned yesterday afternoon about falling off the wagon when the hubby called me all down and out. Some things in our business have come up that are threatening to cost us more money (than we can really afford to spend at the moment) and a real estate deal fell through that might have helped put some working funds back into the business. It seems like it has been one thing after the other for the past year but I know God is taking care of us and will continue to do so. Typically, we would have reached for our cocktails but last night, I just took a walk and he cooked a pot of chicken soup and then my mother-in-law joined us for dinner. She lives close by and was unexpectedly widowed by my husbands father in August (another incident that ramped up our drinking at the end of 2009). My mother-in-law has been in her own depression that has been hard on us but last night she was good and she helped lift both of us out of our negative frame of mind. Last night will be remembered as a cold night outside but warm inside filled with comforting discussions of how to move forward in troubled economic times over coffee and great soup.

Surprisingly Easy!

Well, the little dinner party went well. It was small, only 4 people, all family and only one drinker. She did drink wine and didn't seem to notice that I wasn't drinking and I don't think it would have really mattered to her whether I drank or not. She has a live and let live attitude on most issues of life so she really wouldn't be a person to be self conscious about drinking alone like some of my other friends might be.

The hubs didn't drink last night either, and neither one of us seem to be very bothered by this in any way. In fact, we feel much better when we get up in the morning both physically and emotionally.

I'm already beginning to feel less bloated...liking that a lot.

I know that this is going to get more difficult as the year goes on but I am thinking that knowing that I have a beginning and end to this makes it easier. Instead of saying that I am never going to drink again, knowing that I can drink again starting in 2011, and understanding that I will discover some things about myself this year seems to be the thing that is making it easier. Let's just see if that comment comes back to bite me in my big butt...I will probably break a nail tonight or something and need a glass of wine to calm my nerves.

Toodles for now.

So Far So Good

Last night (night always being the tough time) was good for me and the hubs, since he didn't drink either. We changed our routine, played some Wii and listened to a book on CD, A Land Remembered by Patrick D. Smith (great book about a fictional family that helped settle Florida). I didn't miss the wine, at all, but I think he might have been a little nostalgic for his vodka tonic. We woke up this morning feeling good about our little acomplishment, Saturday night not drinking, and we both slept like babies.

Today, however, might be a different story. Today, I fear for my success. Some family is coming for dinner...I told you that my life is a series of parties....just wait, you'll see what I mean. My man is a fabulous cook and has recently been granted a great gift of a cherished "secret" family barbeque chicken recipe by my sisters husband. Today, in spite of the freezing Florida weather, he MUST cook that chicken and share it with family. I am also making a wonderful warm corn dip called Elote, which is served with lime tortilla chips. Does anyone else think that the combination of all of this is just screaming PINOT GRIGIO, or is it just me?

You know, for me, it's not just about the wine, it's about the experience of drinking it with loved ones in a great glass. Does that sound crazy? I have a dishware fetish and I have some lovely glassware. What do you drink out of beautiful wine glasses when you stop drinking wine? I'm thinking Perrier is kind of cool. So, I am trying that today.

Okay. I will write tomorrow with an update on how this day went. Cheers...tee hee!!

A One Year Experiment in Not Drinking

So, here it is, January 2, 2010, and I decided to start this year out with an experiment to see if life will be different for me if I don't drink for a year. You see, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a "social drinker". What does that mean...really? You know, when they ask you that on an information form at a doctors office if you drink and you say yes and then they say how many drinks a day do you drink? Don't we all say two? Seriously, am I the only one lying about that? I drink about four glasses of wine a day, really. Is that social drinking? And, if I said that I drink four, what then, would they advise me to go to AA or something?

Why am I doing this experiment and why am I doing a blog? Well, the answer to the first question is that I'm NOT doing it because alcohol has damaged my personal life. Actually, I'm pretty fun when I drink. This isn't going to be some tragic story about domestic violence or anything, it is more like, what the heck happened? One day I was this cute, blond, 5' 3", 35 year old that weighed 127 pounds and then, BLAM, I wake up the next day and I am this 51 year old pudge that has gained, I don't even know how much because I won't get on the scale today, and I am taking Lipitor and blood pressure medicine.....WHAT? How did this happen? I'm thinking it happened because my life has been, if you can believe this, too darn good (you'll understand if you read on). The reason I am writing a blog is that I am a pretty responsible person. If I tell someone that I am going to do something, I do it, if I possibly can. I felt like, if I had to write this every day and share my experience, I was somehow being accountable and maybe I would be more likely to succeed.

Oh, and just asking me to cut back...can't....tried that...I just love Pinot Grigio and drink several glasses every evening if I start while cooking dinner.

Just to tell you a little about myself, I am a 51 year old female, wife (to a wonderful husband), mother of grown daughter, building contractor and real estate agent. My parents are both still alive, in their late 70's and I have a great relationship with my only sibling, a sister, and her husband. My husband and I have many friends and have, what some might consider, a really great life. Even though our business is not as busy as it was in the past, we have a beautiful home, a condo on the beach, and have been able to pay our bills, and I dare say, even go out to dinner and still do a little travelling (not as much as before) in spite of this economy. Since we are empty nesters, and have tons of friends, my life is what I sometimes call, a series of parties. Even with the declining economy, at 51, most of our friends have lovely homes and can cook like Julia Childs and so, on many occasions, when socializing with friends, instead of dining in a restaurant, we just cook together in someones home.... and, oh yeah.... did I mention drink good wine together? EVERY evening, my beautiful husband and I have our little routine of coming home, pouring our favorite cocktail and cooking and talking about our day. Since we have a great marriage, it's like a date every night. Not a bad thing but did you see that part about the cocktails? Even exercising, I am so social, that I have managed to arrange my walking time around happy hour with a neighbor so that we walk 3-4 miles to our favorite local pub and have a couple of beers (light beers of course) and wings. I don't do that every night but just a couple of times a month.

Here are the concerns that I have. Can I do it? If not, why? That really would make me an alcoholic, wouldn't it? What about my relationship with my husband, will it change? We have had this routine since we have been together. It is like the whistle at the quarry letting the workers know that it is time to quit working. If we don't have our cocktails, we keep working in our office, which is at home, by the way. What if I quit drinking and don't lose weight at all? NO??? That would be a total bummer. Also, ALL of my friends are social drinkers. Will it change the way we feel about each other? Will they feel uncomfortable around me if I don't drink?

If anyone is reading this. Keep me in your prayers. It is important to me to succeed at this.