WHY?

I have been drinking, less of course than usual, but none the less, I still failed in my goal to not drink for 2010. Something happened in my head on the night Mark died and I just thought, WHY and I depriving myself of something that I enjoy so much when at any moment your life can be snuffed out in a flash.

But, maybe I am just using it as a excuse to drink. I definitely want to get back at it and hop on the wagon. However, I am thinking that maybe this was too aggressive of a goal and that the real goal should be able to keep it in moderation and that means not drinking every night.

I am very confused at the moment.

Cheers!